The “Butterfly Effect”of Life

January 27, 2017 ~ philougbor ~ 1 Comment

Have you ever wondered how significant your life is? Have you wondered if you make a difference – if what you do affects the universe, or, if your actions really do matter to this world you live in? Well, everything you do matters – your actions and reactions matter, not just for you but for everyone else!

The Butterfly Effect is the concept that small causes can have large effects. The expression was used with weather prediction but has became a metaphor used in everyday life situations. The theory was first presented by Edward Lorenz in 1963 to the New York Academy of Science and basically states that:

A butterfly could flap its wings and set molecules of air in motion, which would move other molecules of air, in turn moving more molecules of air—eventually capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the planet.

Though it uses the fluttering of the butterfly as a metaphor, it is a theory that everything matters. Scientists have come to accept the authenticity of this theory and it has been accorded the status of a law:

“The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions” or “The Chaos Theory”.

When you change even the smallest of life’s details, you completely change its outcome. This theory becomes even more authentic today as outer space scientists, using the Chandra X-ray Observatory, have observed that the space we think is empty in the universe is actually not empty but filled with unique electro-magnetic energy that connects everything in the universe!

Examples of the Butterfly Effect :

Historians agree that the trigger for the World War 1 was the assassination of the Archduke, Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austrio-Hungarian empire and his wife, by a young Yugoslav nationalist, Gavrilo Princip in Sarajevo, in June 1914. This had the butterfly effect that led to the most brutal world war involving over 65 million military from 30 countries. This war among several other outcomes, led to the death of over 17 million people and another 20 million wounded or disabled. That war changed the face of the world!

The invention of the WorldWideWeb (www) in 1989 by the English scientist Tim Berners-Lee is another example with a butterfly effect leading to the present explosion in the social media, the Facebook, Google, Yahoo, Smartphones,…… connecting people all over the globe. You can think of thousands of the continuing ‘butterfly effects’ of this one invention.

So it is with our lives. Think about the outcome of your life by the ‘simple’ chooses you made. Consider what triggered these chooses and where they’ve led you and people associated with you to, – the schools you attended, where you live, your work, how you met your spouse …..

Now, let us consider our bodies. Things we choose to eat, how we think, what we say, our emotions, and life styles, all have butterfly effects that result in the physical, physiological and psychological states we find ourselves in as individuals. These states in turn affect our health, our relationships, our families, our businesses. Habouring anger, frustration and hatred sets a butterfly effect that not only causes malfunctioning of the body and ill health, but also unpleasant relationships.

Even the smallest step we take in our lives can change the course of our lives and those of others immensely. A simple act of love or gratitude can have a butterfly effect that can lead to unforeseen consequences over time. Take a moment to think about this. Let us live our lives ‘awake‘, consciously knowing that our actions and reactions matter to the wellbeing of the Universe.

‘Be anxious for nothing’

December 15, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ 4 Comments

As the year 2016 gradually comes to an end, the cities light up with decorations. Shopping malls bustle with people buying presents and gifts for loved ones. At this period, despite all natural and man-made turbulences and political uncertainties, allow yourself to remember and believe that ‘all things work together for good’. As William Shakespeare put it, ‘Come what come may, time and the hour run through the roughest day!’ Things always have a way of working out – perhaps not the way we envisioned them, but they do work out all the same! You should thank the past for all the lessons it has taught you and apply these positively to the future.

Several months ago, I had a panic attack as I learnt of something that was happening with some members of my family. I imagined all the worst outcomes. I developed pain in my chest. My head was pounding. I could hear the thudding of my heart beats. I could hardly breathe. The more I thought it over, the more I feared for the worst. Sleep was out of the question. I would lie and ruminate over and over all that could go wrong. By the end of 3 days, I was miserable with anxiety fatigue. My blood pressure had gone up. Then, I realized I had to begin to practise what I preached. Believe it or not, all things did work out fine!

Worry and Anxiety

Everyone worries sometimes but some people worry all the time. Worry is an adaptive function developed in humans for dealing with, and resolving problems. It allows us to think or imagine things over and over in our minds in order to come to a solution. Worrying is a function of the imagination. Without imagination, there would be no worry! If worry does not solve a problem or has the potential of solving a problem, then, learn to let go of it.Worrying can become habitual and chronic and in that case may negatively affect your mood and your health. Note that most things you worry about never happen! Worry involves the thinking part of the brain – the Cortex.

Anxiety on the other hand, is a form of excessive worry with a very uncomfortable feeling of fear, apprehension, or dread. It is a feeling in your gut that something bad is going to happen. The root cause of anxiety is fear. The mind examines the issue at hand and negatively projects the future with the worse-case scenarios and gets terrified by these projections as if they must happen! These then trigger anxious feelings that flood the body with stress hormones resulting in any of the following physical symptoms – rapid heart beat, shortness of breathe, tightening of, and pain in the chest, tommy ache, headaches, migraines, sweating and diarrhea… Anxiety can be chronic and therefore becomes a psychological disorder – Anxiety Disorder, requiring professional help. Anxiety arises from the mid-brain, the limbic area responsible for emotions in humans. Lots of issues can create anxiety – your job, money, family and health issues.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and mind …” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Transforming Anxiety

Anxiety is your body reflecting the thoughts that you are thinking- usually thoughts of worse case scenarios! To transform anxiety or any negative emotion, you must learn to admit what you are feeling and how your body is reacting to it. Taking medications to calm anxiety is not a good idea since this can become addictive. Your body could rely on the medications instead of your brain producing the chemicals that ease out the problem.

Anxiety is fired by emotions and the effective way to transform anxiety is to take the emotions to a neutral phase by finding something to feel positive about so you can gain new perspectives about the issue at hand. Positive emotions neutralize the hold that negative emotions have on the brain. Think of things that make or made you happy, things that make or made you laugh or smile. Think of some issues you worried about in the past that eventually worked out right.
Avoid people who encourage negative emotions and project fearful scenarios. When unavoidably in the company of such people, change the subject or excuse yourself.
Breathe slowly and deeply to help neutralize emotional charges and reduce stress hormones.
Exercise – Simply taking long walks, cycling, swimming or dancing for 20 – 30 minutes can produce endorphins, the ‘feel good’ hormones that reduce stress and anxiety.
Listen to music that you love.
Go to somewhere that makes you feel calm and secure – a quiet park, a church, mosque or temple to breathe or meditate.
Eat well to stabilize your blood sugar and drink lots of water.
Most importantly, practise gratitude. Be thankful for all you’ve been blessed with. Thinking about the good things in your life helps neutralize negative emotions.

As you watch and experience the decorations and festivities associated with the ‘passing‘ of the year 2016, no matter what is happening in your life, whisper softly to yourself, “This too shall pass!”

Merry Christmas and Happy, ‘Anxiety-free’ New Year in advance!

The Connectedness of all

June 10, 2016June 10, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ 7 Comments

images 2.jpeg

I see the world in all material and none material things around me. Everything and everyone are connected. We hear this all the time, but do we take a moment to think it over? This reminds me of the poem written by William Blake:

“To see the world in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.”

One morning in April 2005, while I was in Zanzibar, Tanzania, I woke up peaceful and made my morning devotions. I looked around me and felt grateful for everything. I zeroed in on the beautiful wooden carved bed I was lying on – this bed that provided rest for me. I visualized the tree from which it was made – that tree from somewhere in the forest of East Africa perhaps among the spices of this ‘Spice Island’.

That tree in the forest had received sunshine and rain to grow like all other living things at the time. That tree must have provided oxygen, fruits, or served as home to some animals, insects or birds.

Perhaps some parts of that tree had been used by some people to cook meals for their families. Perhaps some parts have been used to make furniture, or build a home for some family.

The carvings on the bed had first been conceived in the mind of some local craftsman. That tree which is now my bed had been the hard work of some craftsmen whom I’ld never know and who would never know they were making it for me. These men have fed their families with the proceeds from their workmanship.

That tree, my bed has been polished or painted using bee’s wax or some other organic solutions.

I went on to visualize the web of connections with my mattress, the pillows and the sheets and the mosquito nets. I visualized the cotton farm, the laborers that picked the soft fluffy cotton. CSIRO_ScienceImage_10736_Manually_decontaminating_cotton_before_processing_at_an_Indian_spinning_mill.jpg I imagined the textile mills where even more laborers spun the cotton into yarns or thread and the production of the cotton textile – the textile which have now become the cover of my mattress, the bed sheets, and my mosquito net.

I could go on and on about the web of life’s activities connected to my bed. There will be no end to this ‘connectedness visualization’. It is like spinning a ‘Web of Connectivity’ of all things in the world.

My bed, your bed, could be the centre of the Universe!

Effect of the ‘Awe!” Experience

April 16, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ 3 Comments

Awe is an emotion comparable to wonder, with a combination of amazement, surprise and even fear. Although the meaning of the word Awe has changed over time, the expression of ‘Awe’ has been defined as an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, and fear, produced by that which is extremely amazing, grand, or extremely powerful. It is directed at objects considered to be more powerful than the subject, such as, a great water fall, the Great Pyramid of Gaza, the Grand Canyon, the paintings of the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, an inspiring Sunset, or the vastness of the cosmos.

Awe serves to draw attention away from the self and toward the environment. Focusing and admiring the beauty and intricacy of nature, the flowers, the oceans, sunset, can bring one to the state of Awe.

Awe therefore arises out of the experience through our senses, mainly through our sight, and at times through sound, touch and smell.

In most African countries where the wonders of nature abound, there is often indifference to these wonders, or at best, fear of them. The first time I really took note at the beauty of nature, was during my mission to Namibia in 1991, just after her independence. On a consultancy assignment with 6 male expatriates from Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, and the Netherlands, I couldn’t help but ‘look’ and ‘see’. They called attention to the topography, the wildlife, and all nature! We went on a safari up the mountains and I beheld a planet that looked like Mars.

Have we landed on Mars? I asked myself. The topography of the top of the mountains was like the image we see of Mars.The tour guide handed us hammers to break the rock. What I saw was breathtaking … ROSE QUARTZ, Amethyst..! These rugged, dirty, rocky peaks were mountains of semi-precious stones!

My rose quartz..JPG

Sitting by the beach in Swakopmund, I could not but marvel at how the beautiful, undulating, golden brown sand domes of the Namib desert come down and end their journey at the beach of the Atlantic Ocean.

For the first time, I witness people skiing on sand! The sand domes of the Namib desert were skiing grounds! (But of course, the skiers were expatriates and tourists). I admired for the first time, the Namib Flamingos and white Pelicans as they grazed by the seashore!

Ever since, I’ve always found something of nature that marvels me, rainbows, flowers, waterfalls, mountains, .. all have something that portrays the mind of the Creator.

The Pamukkale natural hot spring terraces in Southwestern Turkey which I visited with my husband many years ago still fills me with awe.

Everyone has had some ‘awe’ experience . When we witness something awesome, we make exclamations like “Oh my God!” “Wow!” As we regard nature’s wonders with awe, the sensation, the thought and the exclamations we may make, lead to the release of ‘feel good hormones’ in our body. These in turn enhance our well-being by improving our immunity, lowering blood pressure and minimizing depressive emotions. It is interesting to learn how nature compensates us as we admire nature! The “Awe” experience raises your frequency of vibration, and, going by the law of attraction, the more we appreciate, the more things to appreciate will be attracted to us. The universe brings forth pleasurable things into our lives through the Law of Attraction.

Spring season with the blooming of flowers is a period of awesome beauty. Watching the beauty of nature is far much better than watching some unpleasant media broadcasts and publications. When more people learn to admire nature and the awesomeness of its beauty, perhaps, we begin to experience a better world!

I love to watch clips from Louie Schwartzberg, a cinematographer, who captures stunning life images that reveal the fascinating beauty and connectivity of nature. Here is one of his videos at TED Talks…

Understanding Our Purpose

March 11, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ 5 Comments

So many people wonder and worry about their life purpose. “I don’t know what my life is all about” you will hear most people say. Thousands of books are available on how to discover your purpose in life. Many believe that their life purpose is a hidden treasure, which they must search for, and discover.

Life Purpose, or the reason for your existence, is not about finding a well paying job. or about getting rich, though, it could lead to these. It is about using your natural passions and aptitudes in any position you find yourself, be it your at your job space, your community, your home or anywhere else. What you are meant to do is already within you from childhood. Education, training and self awareness help to sharpen it (them). Regardless of your spiritual inclinations, a sense of purpose will not only lead to a greater well-being, but can help us be at our best and live more fully.

A few months ago, I was invited by a church community in Linz, a beautiful city in Upper Austria, to give a 2-day seminar/workshop on ‘Life Purpose and Commitment’. The target group was women but the entire congregation was invited. At the end of the first day, one of the organizers led me to a lady participant who was assigned to take me back to my Hotel. This lady took me to a Mercedes Benz car parked outside of the conference building. The car had the taxi label mounted on it. She opened the rear door for me and went over to the driver’s seat.

‘Are you driving this?’ I asked.

‘Yes ma” she replied.

I insisted on sitting in the front seat with her. As she drove off, I asked, ‘Are you allowed to drive this taxi?’ With very pleasant smiles, she replied, ‘Yes, ma, it is my Taxi’.

2015-06-20 20.32.47.jpg — Patricia, the First African Woman Taxi driver in Austria – Linz, Austria.

On further discussion, I learnt that she had always found pleasure in driving even as a child and dreamt of owing a car.

“Do you drive at night and are you not scared?” I asked.

“No, not anymore. At first I was, but I pray each time for God’s protection and I believe He sends His angels to guard and protect me.” She replied.

Still curious, I asked, “What about the Austrian police, – have you ever been stopped or had problems with the police?’

“No, ma. Most wave when they see me. They call me , ‘Die erste Africanische Taxifahrerin von Österreich’ (the FIRST African Woman Taxi Driver of Austria)!

It it surprising that this didn’t mean anything, or sound significant to her. She has driven people from airports and across borders in Europe, even at night when necessary. Her name is Patricia Ekhator. Patricia is married and lives in Austria. She has 3 little sons. She juggles motherhood and her job with so much graciousness and gratefulness to God. Her husband is very supportive.

2015-06-21 14.22.27.jpg — Patricia and her taxi

With my mobile phone, I took photos of her while she drove. The next day at the workshop, to her bewilderment, I beamed her image on the screen, as the First African Woman Taxi Driver in Austria! The participants clapped and cheered. For the first time, they saw her differently. For the first time, Patricia became aware that she was already fulfilling one of her life purposes. She was rendering service not only by driving people around, but also promoting the image of the African women immigrants in Austria! She also uses this opportunity to express and share her faith. The next day, Patricia picked me up from my hotel and after the seminar, drove me to the train station.

Me, ready to be driven by the First African Woman Taxi Driver of Austria!

My reason for sharing this is that many a time, we are already in our purpose but do not know it. What do you do that gives you deep happiness and fulfillment? Reflect on moments in your life when you did something that made you feel proud of yourself, and really happy. Don’t take anything as insignificant.You have to let go of cultural and societal expectations of you. You could discover that these moments, which I call ‘Peak Moments’, not only made you happy, but also made other people happy – periods that involved giving of yourself! These moments, or work are clues to your purpose(s) in life!

Read more on this from my post on Self Awareness published on my blog on November 22, 2014. Continue reading →

The Myth and Science of Love

February 9, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ Leave a comment

The month of February is regarded as the month of romance, the month for lovers, with the celebration of the St. Valentine’s Day on the 14th. A lot of cards, flowers, candies, and gifts are exchanged between lovers. The image of the heart and the winged Cupid and his bow and arrows firing at hearts is a common sight on bill boards, magazines and shopping malls.

What is Love?

The word “love” can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts and is said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection. Love is an emotion of strong affection. I use the word love here in the context of the strong emotional expression of sexual attraction, affection and personal attachment between the opposite sexes. Love here expresses feelings of romance.

Romantic Love is the most powerful sensation a human being can have. It involves the obsessive thinking about and craving for a particular person. Romance is where love begins, and it seems to have the most extreme effect on human behavior. Starting from puberty, most humans wish to experience the feeling of being in love, yet most people would have difficulty describing what exactly love is. People live for love, sing for love, write poems for love, do funny unbelievable things in the name of being in love. People will even kill for love! We find quotes like, ‘You are the apple of my eyes’, ‘I can never live without you’,‘ My heart yearns for you alone’; ‘Love is blind’. You can remember dozens of these sayings. Perhaps you have used some yourself.

The Myth

Many images are used as symbols of love. Most popularly and universally used is the Heart. It is believed that love resides in, and emanates from the heart. Other symbols are, the pairing swans, the pigeons and the doves known as the love birds; the rose flower- a symbol of perfection; the harp – a symbol of love in lyric arts, poetry and music. In China, the maple leaf is an emblem of lovers! Chocolate is also a love symbol and is believed to have aphrodisiac qualities.

Legends: There are many interesting legends around love. Popular legends are connected to St Valentine’s Day and Cupid.

St. Valentine’s Day which lovers celebrate on the 14th of February, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. Around 270 A.D. when the Roman Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men who he then enlisted into the army. Valentine, a priest, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.

When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be imprisoned and put to death. Valentine’s soft spot for young lovers earned him the admiration of lovers and young couples.

According to the legend, the imprisoned Valentine fell in love with a girl who frequently visited him during his confinement. He actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself to this girl before his death. It was alleged that he signed the letter with “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day and so he became the lovers’ Saint and February 14 became the Lovers’ Day!

On the other hand, there is a very interesting story about Cupid and His mortal Bride Psyche in Roman mythology. Cupid is the most famous of St. Valentine symbols. He is seen as a mischievous, winged child armed with bow and arrows aiming at hearts of lovers, causing them to fall deeply in love! The arrows signify desire and emotions of love. In ancient Greece he was known as Eros, the young son of Aphrodites, the goddess of love and beauty. To the Romans he was Cupid, and his mother was Venus.

The science of love

Getting struck by Cupid’s arrow may very well take your breath away and make your heart race this Valentine’s Day but, most of our body’s chemistry is controlled by the brain. “Falling in love” is not an exception. We call it love. It feels like love. But this most profound of all human emotions is probably nature’s beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproducing. We are basically animals with inborn biological instincts, and your brain is creating powerful hormones to get you to mate. Research scientists have found that a location at the base/ bottom of the brain is responsible for the triggering of the production of hormones and chemicals that give the feeling of falling in love. “Falling in love” is simply Mother Nature making sure that you find a mate and procreate! Dr. Renshaw, of Loyola University puts it this way:

“Falling in love causes our body to release a flood of feel-good chemicals that trigger specific physical reactions. This internal elixir of love is responsible for making our cheeks flush, our palms sweat and our hearts race.

Levels of these substances, which include dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, increase when two people fall in love. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love. MRI scans indicate that love lights up the pleasure center of the brain. When we fall in love, blood flow increases in this area, which is the same part of the brain responsible for drug addiction and obsessive compulsive disorders.” Waw! you may exclaim.

Dr Helen Fischer, the well renowned expert on the biology of love and attraction of Rutgers University in the U.S.A. has carried out numerous researches on the love areas in the brain and has proposed 3 stages of love, namely:

Lust or Erotic passion- Sexual drive which may not necessarily focus on just one individual.
Attraction – Early stage of romantic love characterized by intense craving for the loved one. (The intensity of romantic love tends to last between six months to two and a half years before turning into attachment for most people)
Attachment – deep feelings of union or bonding with a long term partner. It is believed to have evolved to enable a couple remain together to bear and rear children. Attachment phase however needs a lot of patience, understanding and consideration for the other partner. Frequent sexual relations between couples at this stage, releases hormones that warms up and bind the relationship.

Each stage is believed to be driven by different hormones and chemicals.

Here are some of the cocktail of “Love” hormones/chemicals shooting into your body from a location at the base/bottom of your brain, to make you happy victims of nature’s procreation plan:

Pheromones: Chemicals you emit to attract a partner
Oxytocin: This hormone bonds a woman to her sex partner
Vasopressin: Men release this hormone during sex. It promotes pair bonding
Phenylethylamine (PEA): A natural amphetamine
Dopamine and Norepinephrine: These are natural mood enhancers
Testosterone: This hormone increases your sexual desire and drive

Hmm, this can be alarming! Well, love still makes the world go round and being in love is the most beautiful feeling one can experience. I wish everyone could stay in love forever. Modern science is however weakening our myths and proving that love lives in the brain and not in the heart. But, does it matter? Next time you are sending a Valentine Card, instead of writing, “I love you from the bottom of my heart”, it may be more appropriate to write, “I love you from the bottom of my brain!”.

New Year and the Quest for Happiness

January 5, 2016January 23, 2016 ~ philougbor ~ 2 Comments

It is the New Year 2016. Everyone wishes each other ‘Happy New Year’ as they meet, or, through phone calls, texts, emails, and other electronic or social media. In fact, the month of January will witness a lot of Happy New Year wishes. We wish to be happy and wish that our families and loved ones are happy. This explains why we use this expression in the start of a New Year. In the new year, people will also make resolutions that they hope will eventually make them happy if they keep to them. This clearly indicates that the main purpose of our lives is to seek happiness.

What then is happiness? What makes people happy? Why is everyone not happy? Is happiness an illusion? How can one maintain the state of happiness?

Happiness is defined as a state of well-being, characterized by the experience of positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happiness is not something ‘ready-made’. It comes from your own actions and choices.

A formula has been produced by prominent positive psychology researchers, like Dr. Martin Seligman and Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, and promoted by people like Deepak Chopra, renowned endocrinologist and pre-eminent leader of the mind-body-spirit movement.

Their formula is: H = S + C + V

H: Happiness, S: Our biological set point, C: Conditions of living and V: Voluntary actions or choices we make daily. Based on their research they arrived at the following breakdown:

S – 50% Our biological set point – This is your set attitude to life and events. Are you an outgoing or a withdrawn person? Do you notice the wrong side of things first? Do you always complain or do you see obstacles as an opportunities? This biological set point indicates our inherited and preconditioned, subconscious beliefs. With conscious effort and awareness, this can be improved.

C – 10% Conditions of living – Your environment and financial state. Remember, being very rich or very poor does not make you happy.

V – 40% Voluntary actions or choices we make everyday. – This is the most important. This involves choices for:

*Purely Personal Pleasure ( which in many cases are short-lived)

*Creativity – doing something that gives your life a purpose

*Relationship – actions or choices that make other people happy – actions of kindness, affection, forgiveness, and appreciation, etc.

The conclusion this leads to is that a greater percentage of our state of happiness is based on actions and choices we make everyday and are under our control. These actions and choices consist of doing meaningful, good and pleasant things in our lives and in the lives of others. With conscious awareness, we can maintain the state of happiness.

Happy New Year!

Read more on my post on ‘Happiness’ of November 14, 2014. https://philougbor.wordpress.com/2014/11/14/happiness/

December, the Month of Reflection

December 17, 2015 ~ philougbor ~ 4 Comments

December is the most wonderful month of the year. It is the last month of the year, and the month that completes a circle of time. Apart from being the most exciting period of the year, it is also a month of Reflection, a time of Contemplation. This reflection is like looking at yourself in a mirror and seeing your life staring back at you.

For me, a lot has happened in the year 2015. There have been some traumatic or dramatic periods, depending on how I look at the happenings. There were other experiences and events, likes and dislikes, anxieties and fears which have all come and gone!

On the other hand, there have been very exciting and uplifting events of which the sweet memories still warm my spirit. These include the wedding of my daughter, Tochi, to her soul mate, Dejan, and the coming together of all my family in Summer. There were relaxing trips to exotic places with my husband, Felix, and workshops on Self-Development that I conducted. What is common in these uplifting events was that they were periods of great loving, sharing, giving and joy!

As we reflect, we begin to see a pattern – everything is subject to time. Time is defined as a measure in which events can be ordered from past through present. Everything comes and goes. Even when we get what we so much longed for, with time the excitement wears away. Everything we perceive or experience through our senses passes away. We realize that our worries, fears, anxieties, hurts, resentments, etc, are all subject to time. Our mortal life is subject to time. With time the mortal body passes away.

What then is not subject to time? That, whose experience does not pass away with time is your Real self – the Inner you – your God-self. Your God-self is not your physical body identified by your profession, nationality, colour, status or wealth. Unknown-3 God-self is ‘God in you‘ created in the image of God.
You need both, your physical and your God-self. The “God-self” has the ability to transcends time. It is capable of maintaining lasting joy, peace and love that does not pass away with time. It is peaceful in times of tumult. It is joyous in any event and is very loving. It is that God image in us.

This loving God-self is what this period is about. “Emmanuel, God with us.” (Matt.1:23). December with the associated Christmas Season, and the expectation of a New Year, brings out the best in us, our Inner Self of Hope, Love, Peace and Joy. Loving involves thanksgiving, sharing, giving and caring. This ultimately results in lasting Peace and Joy! It is up to us to get aware and nurture this inner self and carry it into the next year!

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year 2016!

The Healing Power of Giving

October 25, 2015 ~ philougbor ~ Leave a comment

Source: The Healing Power of Giving

Managing our Emotions and Emotional Intelligence

June 30, 2015July 10, 2015 ~ philougbor ~ 2 Comments

One of the crucial ways of living a happy, healthy, balanced life is being able to manage our emotions. When we talk about Emotions, what comes to mind is, ‘the way we feel’ or ‘how we feel’ – our moods and temperaments. It is not easy to define emotion, but simply put, e-motion is ‘energy-in-motion’. Emotions are energized mental feelings influenced by the meanings we give to events or situations in our life. They are a state of feeling that results in physical and psychological changes that influence our behaviour. Some emotions can be identified by the individual’s external physical expressions. You can identify the emotions expressed in the pictures below.

Where do emotions come from?

Emotions begin from what we pick up with our 5 senses – sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste, and the interpretations we give to these. Our brains are wired like most animals, to look for threats or rewards. When one is detected, our feeling region of the brain, the Limbic system, sometimes known as the Amygdala, releases chemical messages into the body to alert us. Emotions are the effects of these chemical messages traveling from the brain to the rest of the body.

When we experience something bad, like a threat, Adrenalin and Cortisone are released for a fight or flight reaction. When we experience something good, or rewarding, Dopamine, Oxytocin and Serotonin are released as the feel good emotions. These chemicals affect our behaviour. The feeling region of the brain kicks in before the thinking or reasoning. What constitutes threat or reward has long changed for man; but, even after the evolution of the frontal reasoning region of our brain, humans still succumb to, and are controlled by the ‘reptilian‘ brain. Some neurologists try to distinguish between the words, emotions and feelings. I use both freely.

Whereas all emotions happen subconsciously, our thinking can influence our behaviour. Past experiences and core belief systems influence the way we look at, and think about events and circumstances. Therefore we should manage emotions with conscious thinking. Emotions influence how we see the world and everything around us.

Many publications on emotion and behavior suggest that all emotions are derived from 5 CORE Feelings, each with varying degrees in intensity from normal acceptable, to extreme abnormal and hurtful. The 5 core Feelings are, Happy, Sad, Angry, Afraid and Ashamed. We use so many words to describe various degrees of these feelings or emotions in our everyday life.

I however believe, like many others, that there are only two roots to all emotions that we experience. These are Love and Fear. All other emotions are variations of these two. Thoughts, which influence behaviour arise from either love, or fear. Anxiety, anger, sadness, depression, inadequacy, confusion, hurt, guilt, shame, are all fear-based emotions. Emotions or feelings of joy, happiness, caring, trust, compassion, truth, contentment, satisfaction, appreciation, are love-based emotions.

There are varying degrees of intensity of both types of emotions, some are mild, some moderate, and others strong in intensity. For example, anger, in a mild form, can be felt as disgust or dismay. At a moderate level, it can be felt as offended or annoyed, and at an intense level can be felt as rage or hate. The emotion that always sets off anger is fear.

Everyone experiences some form of emotion all the time. The issue is how these emotions are handled or managed. If emotions are not managed correctly, they cause health and social problems. They can create hurtful outcomes not only to other people, but most especially, to oneself. Emotions have a direct effect on how our bodies work. As shown above, fear or threat-based emotions stimulate the release of one set of chemicals while love-based emotions release a different set of chemicals. If the fear-based emotions are haboured for a long time, they damage the immune system, the endocrine system and other systems in your body. Medical research in Mind/Body Medicine emphasises the relationship between emotions, thinking, and the physical body.

We may not be able to change or repress our emotions, but we can learn how to accept them, and manage them. By knowing who we are, being conscious of the way we think, changing past belief systems that do not help us, we can learn to manage our emotions.

My earlier posts on ‘Thoughts’ and ‘Wellbeing’, showed how every thought is energy that affects our emotions, which then influence our behaviour in a positive, negative or even a neutral way. Taking control of our thoughts, therefore is the first and important step towards managing our emotions.

You have all heard about Emotional Intelligence, or Emotional Quotient (EQ), made popular by Daniel Goleman. This is different from Intelligence Quotient, (IQ).

“Emotional Intelligence (EQ) simply means being able to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups”. EQ is partially determined by how a person relates to others and maintains emotional control.

On the other hand, Intelligence Quotient (IQ) refers to a score derived from one of several standardized tests designed to assess intelligence.

EQ Vs IQ

Emotional intelligence is essentially the ability to recognize, manage, and use your emotions in positive and constructive ways.

It is also being able to recognize the emotional states of others and engaging emotions in ways that feel good to all and create mutual safety, trust, and confidence.

Emotional intelligence is what helps you communicate clearly, lead others, and build powerful relationships at work and in your personal life.

Emotional intelligence also helps you motivate yourself, solve problems, and achieve your goals.

Managing our emotion means developing a high EQ. People with high EQ can manage their emotions, use their emotions to moderate their thoughts, and accurately perceive others’ emotions. The good thing is that this can be learnt.

On the other hand, Intelligence Quotient (IQ), identifies the Ability to learn, understand and apply information to skills, using logical reasoning, word comprehension, and mathematical skills. People with higher IQ can think in abstracts and make connections by making generalizations easier. They could also be in the world of their own!

Research has shown EQ to be more important than IQ in almost every role in life, and even more so, in roles of leadership.

Emotional Intelligence is directly linked to Self-awareness, Self-esteem, Compassion, Empathy, and Adaptability. These are important predictors of success in life.

Philo Ugbor 's Blog

Selected write-ups on Personal Developement and Wellbeing